By Florine Roche
Mangaluru, Nov 29: The high profile wedding of Ranveer Singh Deepika Padukone was the much hyped event for almost a fortnight this month. The focus is now shifting to another high profile celebrity wedding, the preparations for which have already begun. Yes, India’s international star Priyanka Chopra is all set to wed American singer Nick Jonas. It is said that wedding celebrations will be a four day affair beginning on November 29 and would continue till December 2, 2018. Priyanka Chopra is marrying Nick who is 11 years younger to her much to the disappointment of her fans spread across the globe.
No. I am not going to talk merely about the high profile Bollywood celebrity weddings per se at this juncture because that is not the real issue. The issue is the age gap between Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas which many say, is not as per the accepted norms. I must say I am piqued by the very mindset of our people who seem to have a problem because Priyanka’s beau Nick is 11 years younger to her. While the couple (both adults) know what they are getting into and has no problem with their age gap our people with their traditional mindset certainly have a problem accepting their relationship as man and wife.
The pair got engaged in a traditional ‘roka’ ceremony in August this year in Mumbai and when their photographs of them holidaying in India began to circulate social media users trolled and age-shamed Priyanka apparently for choosing a partner younger to her by more than a decade. Though there have been earlier instances of Indian women especially celebrity women marrying younger men Priyanka has been subjugated to such unwanted hobgoblin considering her popularity and international stardom. The social media was abuzz with jokes and memes calling Priyanka as Nicks ‘mom’, that Nick was only eight when Priyanka won Miss World title and that young men prefer marrying aunties ……such other crap.
Cougar phenomenon
It is heartening to see Priyanka get on with her life than get swayed by derisive twitter comments. Such spiteful reactions from people – both men and women tell a lot about our flawed thinking. It is not known who has made the rule that a woman has to be younger to the man she marries. Yet the society goes by the unwritten rule and finds it difficult to accept when a woman reverses the age difference. Though men who marry much younger women have also been criticized such a marriage has found social acceptance. For example, Mahatma Gandhi was a year younger to his wife Kasturba yet many of us may not be even aware of this age difference. When Sachin Tendulkar married Anjali Mehta who was four years older than him it did not become such a big issue. Saif Ali had married Amrita Singh who was 12 years her junior and he almost made up for it by marrying Kareena, who is 10 years younger.
Of course, there was no social media then with its uncontrolled access to write and get away with all the gibberish. On the other hand when a man marries a woman many decades younger then such a man is called ‘macho’ and the celebrity world is full of such instances. In Bollywood actor Dilip Kumar married Saira Banu and the age gap between them is 22 years. Sanjay Dutt married Manyata who is 19 years younger to him. Actor Kabir Bedi married (4th time) to Parveen Dusanj who is almost three decades younger to him.
The society however, frowns upon women who choose to marry younger men and ever since Priyanka Chopra made her announced her decision to marry Nick Jonas she is derided with condescending expletives like cougar (middle-aged women who pounce on much younger men) MILF and other vulgar jokes. While the media is hyping about the so called ‘cougar phenomenon’ it is accepted that it is ok or natural for older men to lust after young girls and marry them. A 36-year-old man can date/marry a 24 year old girl without any social media hype.
Double Standards
However, if it is the other way round then we have a problem and that too a major problem. It makes many men and even women squirm in their seats when the gender equation is reversed – older women getting married to younger men. That is quite appalling and disturbing because it exposes the double standards of the society that has different parameters to judge men and women. What is it that makes us accept older male-younger female partnership as natural, mature, cute, understanding and worthy whereas we have reservations and frown upon older women- younger men relationships? This sort of attitude is certainly a hindrance for many younger men who even if they wish to date/marry older women dither for the lack of ‘acceptance’ from the society or for being branded as perverts.
We often put the blame squarely on our patriarchal mindset and refuse to accept the reality. There was a time when the ideal age gap – woman younger than the man was seen as the foundation for a successful marriage mainly for fertility reasons. This mindset needs to be changed taking into consideration the modern challenges and sensibilities. We have come a long way when women were considered as a burden and it was perceived that a strong male shoulder was needed to support her. Today, all that has changed with changing times and changing equation between a man and a woman. Today marriage is about mutual respect, compatibility and companionship and age happens to be just a number.
Choosing a life partner is an individual’s choice and when two grown up adults walk into that relationship they do it knowing well what they get into. It is good to see many Indian women are breaking the stereotype much to the exasperation of all those who feel that it is the prerogative of men only to marry girls half their age. Preity Zinta, Neha Dhupia, Soha Ali Khan, Aishwarya Rai, Shilpa Shetty, Bipasha Basu, Urmila Mathondkar etc., are some of the celebrities who have married younger men. Malaika Arora and Arjun Kapoor’s love affair has caught the fancy of the media. Sushmitha Sen is also is rumored to be getting married to Rohman Shawl, 15 years her junior. These are some of the well known celebrities and there might be many more common women who have broken this stereotype without attracting media attention.
If that is a bit of unsettling news to quite a few in our country, so be it. Age-shaming, calling names and cracking silly jokes reflects the mindset of our people who indulge in it rather than compelling such couples to recant their decision. And all those who say age is just a number, Indians clearly demonstrate it goes beyond the number game.