Doctor Answers

  •   Tue, Jul 19 2022
  •   By Dr Supriya Hegde Aroor

July 19, 2022

Dear Doctor,

I am in a dilemma. I am to leave India and settle in Canada. I have already started the process with an agency. Problem is that heart of hearts I don’t want to leave my parents, family and friends and migrate. But with my BCom degree I don’t see much of a future here for me. My girlfriend is a nurse and she has already got a job in UK. Eventually we will marry and settle in one place. But when and where is not decided. This confusion is very unsettling for me. I cannot sleep at night and have developed acidity. Please guide me to make a good decision.
Shawn

Dear Shawn,
You have a valid realistic anxiety. Anyone in your place would feel similarly. It’s not easy to leave your home and migrate. Take some time to decide. Talk to your parents, close family and girlfriend. Let them know what you feel. Your brain is leading you logically abroad. But your heart is here. Think long term what is good for you. If you decide to stay back, you must acquire more skills and degree to improve your employment opportunities. If you migrate there, it would initially be very difficult but eventually you will settle in. Why are you not trying for UK? Planning, hard work and doing it consistently will definitely help you succeed. All the best to you Shawn.

Dear Doctor,
I am always tense. I think worst things will happen to me. I fear some disease will catch my mother or father. If my kids are late from school, I think some accident has happened. If my husband coughs, I think he has got Corona. Last 2 years have been horrible for me. My parents got sick with Corona last year and hospitalised for 15 days. I almost lost them. In school I had exam tension also. Am I going to eventually go completely mad?
Ruhi

Dear Ruhi,
You have symptoms of anxiety disorder. When we are anxious, we tend to catastrophise and think the worst that may happen. But does it really? Covid was a worldwide pandemic. It affected everybody. So many were very anxious. When you start worrying, remember to recognise it at that very time. Try distraction techniques. Get out of that place. Get some fresh air, do some other engaging activity. Practise some form of relaxation exercise. If all of this fails, consult a psychiatrist.

Dear Dr Supriya,
My daughter had a love marriage. We opposed it from beginning but she was with him for 4 years and went all out, eloped and married in court. We were shattered and felt humiliated. We cut her off. Now after 3 years, she has come back weeping and helpless, has a daughter 1 year old and her husband has grown distant and abusive. He is out of work since 2 years. My daughter is clearly depressed and suicidal. She wants us to help him financially. We don’t trust him. How to make her understand that he is using her?
Anonymous

Dear concerned mother,
My heart goes out to your family. It has been very tough for all of you. My first suggestion would be to get your daughter counselled and treated by a professional psychiatrist. Once she gets her confidence back, it will be easier for her to take a rational decision. You should support and help your daughter. Keep her and your granddaughter safe with you. But if you are unsure of your son in law, don’t rush to help him right away. See how things develop and then decide. When someone is depressed, they may be biased regarding their abuser also. Please get your daughters depression treated first.

 

 

 
By Dr Supriya Hegde Aroor
Dr Supriya Hegde Aroor is a consultant psychiatrist at Arogya polyclinic Falnir & professor and head of department of Psychiatry Father Muller’s Medical College.
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Comment on this article

  • Neeraj, Kerala

    Thu, Jun 22 2023

    Very beautiful doctors

  • francis lobo, Mangalore

    Wed, Jul 20 2022

    Good advice by the Doctor. The last one in the article is a must-read for all parents who have married girls or are about to marry. In thier enthusiasm to get their daughters settled even after a bad relationship, they presume money as the solution rather than looking at the mental abilities of the person and the underlying causes. Sometimes the solution we think is right one may not be the right one unless we have properly studied the undelying causes

  • Daniel, Mangalore

    Tue, Jul 19 2022

    Good advise! Also Following, Holy Scripture quote, Nobody will ever say I will give you rest! But God. So humbly and gently surrender to God everyday, for Him to take care of one's problems ! Slowly to overcome one's life problems. Once one becomes humble and gentle one can stand anybody in the world whether King or Queen, Master or Servant or any problems Big or small. That's the Essence of Divine Words... “Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light.”

  • Ben D'Souza Prabhu, Mangalore, Bombay Bandra now in Canada

    Tue, Jul 19 2022

    Our dear and Loving Doctor !You are doing Well ! Keep up that Status, and enhance it when necessary ! Many persons are in Canada now ! Surely, it is a much better place ! God Bless you ! We all Love you !!!


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