Martyrs of Marriage: Abuse of Sec 498A - Stories of victims across borders


Johan Sequeira

Mar 8: "The fact that Section 498A is a cognizable and non-bailable offence has lent it a dubious place of pride amongst the provisions that are used as weapons rather than shield by disgruntled wives. The simplest way to harass is to get the husband and his relatives arrested under this provision. In quite a number of cases, bedridden grandfathers and grandmothers of the husbands, their sisters living abroad for decades are arrested." - Supreme Court in Arnesh Kumar (Supra).

His name was Avadesh Yadav. A young man filled with dreams and employed at a private bank. He was a typical shining example of our nation's youth. As all Indian parents do, Avadesh's parents arranged a match to what they thought was a 'sanskari' Indian woman. Within a week of marriage, she demanded a divorce. All good advice of the elders fell on deaf ears. She started misbehaving with his parents, hurling abuses at them. When he complained about this to her family, threats of criminal cases followed. On the advice of lawyers, he filed a case of restitution of conjugal rights, requesting her to come back. Three months after that, she filed a complaint under the dreaded provision of 498a on him, his mother, father, elder brother and his wife. They ran in circles around court to finally get bail. His wife later on filed a case of molestation in January on his father and brother and they were arrested. Unable to stomach the arrest of his own father and elder brother Avadesh hanged himself.

He left behind a suicide letter that read, "I wish to ask our law makers, how they can make laws that give so much credence to mere words of a woman that whatever the other person is saying has no relevance. Shouldn't the other side be heard too? My father and brother were picked up by police on her statement alone without any evidence. My family that never even saw a police station has to now do the rounds just because of me. Without any evidence, we have been labelled criminals. They are demanding that we transfer my father's house in her name. A person who is making such demands before even living with me, what will she do later? I do not want to see my family in pain. I could think of no other way than this to save my family. Please help my family get out of this problem. Mummy, Papa, forgive me please and take care of yourself."


Dennis was employed at Dubai with a handsome salary from 9 years, his mother started egging him to tie the knot so he would have a mate that kept him company through his later years. He got married at the late age of 38 years. A few months into the marriage he was regretting his decision. She refused physical contact, was aggressive, physically abused him and his mother and constantly demanded money for frivolous expenses. He approached the religious clergy who advised him that having a baby would solve all his marital problems. Alas, this proved to be an even greater suffering as his wife started abusing their little daughter.

His complaints to various authorities fell on deaf ears as no one believed that a woman could be anything more than a loving mother and a dutiful wife. He underwent this suffering for 16 years of his married life unable to find a solution. Then came the news that spiralled him into acute depression. His wife had taken all his money and gold ornaments and fled to India with their daughter. There she had filed a false case of domestic violence and 498a against him. The depression caused him to lose his job. A few days later the court passed an order of interim maintenance. On the other hand he couldn’t go back to India as the cops were on the lookout for him. He was in the pits of despair and decided to take his life. He might have been successful had a friend not intervened at the right time.

Avadesh, Dennis and several such Indian men placed all over the world face the brunt of this draconian law numbered 498a in the Indian Penal Code. On the mere statement or affidavit of the wife they along with their families are arrested, made to spend days in jail and run around the courts to get bail. This ultimately lead to depression and in some cases suicide. NCRB statistics show that around 70,000 married men committed suicide in 2015. Out of these 32% were directly attributed to family problems or marriage related issues. What no data will reflect is the several more thousands of men who are harassed and tortured every year under the yoke of such malicious litigation.

A pertinent issue here is the shocking number of women who are victims of this arbitrary law. Grandmothers, mothers, sisters of the husband even young female children are arrested and sent to jail under this law. As per NCRB records in 2015, 10 girls under the age of 18 and 23,175 women were arrested. Now when we take into account that 92 % of these cases end up in acquittal it is disheartening to see the number of innocent woman being traumatized for life. As the Apex Court puts it, "Arrest brings humiliation, curtails freedom and cast scars forever". Most shockingly, women's rights activist fail to address this issue whereas one alleged case of molestation results in a hue and cry from these same people.


Martyrs of Marriage

Martyrs of Marriage is a documentary film that documents the injustice that has been perpetrated on people because of misuse of section 498A of Indian Penal Code. The film interweaves personal stories of men and women who have faced trial or are undergoing trial under 498A on wrong allegations along with experiences of judges, advocates, court mediators, detectives and men's rights activists about the abuse of this provision. It throws light on what happens, why it happens, how it happens and what the abuse of this provision is doing to lives of victims. It intends to inform and educate people about this issue and seeks intervention of lawmakers to save lives of many innocents.

Martyrs of Marriage is on its first international venture abroad. It will be screened on March 10 at 4 pm at the Indian Consulate, Dubai. Attendance is free and would be a wonderful opportunity for everyone to learn about this provision. It will also be a platform for victims of this law to meet other victims and men's rights activists. So we hope to see you there.

  

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Comment on this article

  • jhon, udupi

    Sun, Mar 12 2017

    I will not Marry. who want this tension?. I recommend all boys dont marry just enjoy your life with your salary. lets see how government will manage society.

    DisAgree Agree [2] Reply Report Abuse

  • sandesh, belle

    Sun, Mar 12 2017

    lots of man and women suffered becouse of this Section 498A

    DisAgree Agree [1] Reply Report Abuse

  • Nitesh, Kota

    Fri, Mar 10 2017

    A very good documentary made by Deepika showing the flip side of the lows of india putting lot of man in trouble without and mistake or even making them to do suicide.

    DisAgree Agree [2] Reply Report Abuse

  • Prakash, Canada

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Lately I have woken up. pretty late indeed. I like the western idea of living together for a while and then marry if it makes sense.No doubt this solution has got its own problems, but at least you get to know what you are getting into . Like west It also wise not to blow up too much money on marriage by inviting too many people and then be on debt. Divorce should also be easy.

    I feel extremely sorry for those men or women who get trapped in a situation like that and then waste their life and resources proving otherwise. Loneliness likely in a closed society

    DisAgree Agree [8] Reply Report Abuse

  • Kishoo, Barkur

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Well written article Johan. Keep writing. All the best.

    DisAgree Agree [11] Reply Report Abuse

  • Flavian, Mangalore/Kuwait

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Dear Marol, rightly said.
    There are some people consider the value of a sacred married life in negative sense and disourage men to avoid marriage. Wh if at all our ansisters/forefatahers had such a negative thought?
    Problems in married life are man/woman made and written anywhere that married life is problematic or troublesom. Love & Trust blossoms and can reach horizon if we are on right path. Mistakes do take place but how to ovrcome and adjust life is important.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [5] Reply Report Abuse

  • Gaurav, Delhi

    Mon, Mar 13 2017

    The problem is not with the marriage or the attitude, but with the stupid law.

    DisAgree Agree Reply Report Abuse

  • Marol, Udupi

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Man and woman are there not for competition but for complement to each other. Marriage is a sacrament and not a business. Neither man nor woman take advantage of one another. Both should enter into the wed lock with pure love. Thank you and God bless each and every one of us

    DisAgree [2] Agree [10] Reply Report Abuse

  • Gaurav, Delhi

    Mon, Mar 13 2017

    Friend, a stupid attitude such as yours is the reason of these kind of sucides and misrable lives. What is required in marriage and what behaviour should be is not the question here. The question is under 498A "what you call a person who put false criminal charges on another person, and what you call the another person." .... And the answer is " the lier is the victim, and another one is dead man".

    DisAgree Agree Reply Report Abuse

  • Mangalurian, Mangaluru

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Zeitgeist, Mangalore, has made an excellent observation: "Many men in the west dont prefer to get married. This is because if the marriage ends in divorce they would be on a losing side. So in the same way men in india should avoid getting married."

    Marriage for most men is sheer madness. There is not a single law in India that does not declare a man innocent until proven guilty - so long as the complainant is his wife!

    It is not only in the west that men have have realised the futility of marriage, but it seems to be a fast rising trend in the Middle East as well.

    Look at the misery to a man that marries:
    * he loses his freedom entirely.
    * he needs to work really, really hard to keep up with the newly created expenses!
    * he cannot continue his previous relationships with family and friends!

    An unmarried man has hardly any expenses, has plenty of peace, and is free to do what he wants with his time!

    And almost certainly will live 20 years longer!

    My suggestion to young males: wait until your girlfriend turns 40 before getting married. Best of both worlds!

    DisAgree [1] Agree [13] Reply Report Abuse

  • Dail, Mangalore

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    This is the reality of today's world....some don't express it....but victims suffer mentally in this....God bless us...

    DisAgree Agree [1] Reply Report Abuse

  • FRANCIS, Dubai

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Very nice and an informtive article by Johan Sequeira.

    DisAgree Agree [12] Reply Report Abuse

  • Lydia Lobo, Kadri

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    So fortunate that our spouse nor brothers are subjected to such treatment - meaning, there are more better women/wives in the country than not. For all those who have taken disadvantage of the section of the law, a counter law must be enacted.

    No human being deserves to be subjected to legal battlement - man nor woman.

    DisAgree Agree [18] Reply Report Abuse

  • Mangalurian, Mangaluru

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Is the spouse and brothers allowed to put their responses here?

    What if they are too afraid to say anything?

    DisAgree [1] Agree [2] Reply Report Abuse

  • Lydia Lobo, Kadri

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Those who hide behind alias are those who are hiding matters from their spouse/brother/sister, not those who write their real name fearlessly.

    The spouse/brothers of such genuine people, no matter situated at which corner of the world, are accessible to DW and can read/respond !

    DisAgree Agree [2] Reply Report Abuse

  • Rajesh, dubai

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Every men must watch this documentary....... World women day Good advise for men.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [17] Reply Report Abuse

  • cut the brouhaha, India

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    nice advertisement.

    DisAgree [9] Agree [5] Reply Report Abuse

  • sri, Karkala

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    These age old laws should be challenged in court. I believe there are are some lawyers to do that. Our systems should not become funny 😁 for the next generation.

    Lot of attributes usually girls inherit are from her own family. The amount of patience, intelligence, aggression, truthfulness etc etc comes from parents DNA.

    DisAgree Agree Reply Report Abuse

  • Flavian, Mangalore/Kuwait

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    @Zeitgeist,
    What a illogical advise or philosphy?
    Thank God we are born and you do not wish or want future generation to come into existence.?
    Never entertain the fear of future happenings. Better to face the challenges and live rather than trying to avoid what ought be in our lives. Humans cannot predict our present moment and why we should assume things which we have not seen or faced. Live happily in present terms. Thanks.

    DisAgree [7] Agree [8] Reply Report Abuse

  • Zeitgeist, Mangalore

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Flavian,

    What I commented was a little extreme step, but it is certainly not illogical as you make it out to be.

    Societal norms do change gradually. And with time men will resort to not getting married if the law is against them.

    The other thing I want to say is that section 498A should be there simply because more women suffer from mistreatment from husbands and in-laws than men. Men are supposed to be strong willed. They are not suppose to commit suicide. At least if they want to do that anyway.... they need to take down the people who made them to do such a extreme step.

    DisAgree Agree [1] Reply Report Abuse

  • shaji, mangalroe

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Dear friend, i dont agree with your comments. If you are not accepting the future this means you are not trusting in God. This world and all the human beings are created by God for certain period only. You came to this world through your parents on this logic only. Your parents married and planned to have a child thinking of future, otherwise you would not have been existing. Trust in God Who created this world and there is past, present and future in our life. We should agree to this. God has blessed us with right way of thinking otherwise we will like animals.

    DisAgree Agree Reply Report Abuse

  • Zeitgeist, Mangalore

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Many men in the west dont prefer to get married. This is because if the marriage ends in divorce they would be on a losing side. So in the same way men in india should avoid getting married.

    DisAgree [6] Agree [19] Reply Report Abuse

  • Lydia Lobo, Kadri

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Zeitgeist,

    At the same time, you may have noted that many Indian men lost for the very Western women, from whom their own males have kept distance. Probably it looked trendy then but in the end Indian men have realised that its a broth can't be swallowed nor spat. They end up washing the nappies/feeding bottles and cooking food whereas their Indian counterparts' better halves wait for the spouse to return from work with meals ready for serving.

    Well, decision to marry anybody is an individual's decision. We are absolute outsiders in this matter.

    DisAgree [7] Agree [5] Reply Report Abuse

  • FRANCIS, Dubai

    Wed, Mar 08 2017

    Zeitgeist, Mangalore,

    How you can give such a bold advise openly: saying that "So in the same way men in india should avoid getting married"...

    What idealogy is this? Are you a single or married man?

    God created man and woman out of love and commanded them to imitate his love in their relations with each other. Man and woman were created for each other…Woman and man are equal in human dignity, and in marriage both are united in an unbreakable bond.

    DisAgree [2] Agree [5] Reply Report Abuse


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