Dubai, May 21 (Emirates 247) : Two-and-a-half months after his teen son committed suicide, Sivadasan is slowly coming to terms with his loss.
“I haven’t been able to cry. I don’t know why. It could be because I have been running around to sort things out,” he reasons.
Tragedy does strike in twos, with Sivadasan losing his father a few days after Abhimanyu’s death.
“I am searching for the truth. It’s probably because I have an artistic mind,” he adds. Sivadasan has authored two books and a novel, and also paints.
“It’s my wife who is devastated. Any small thing reminds her of him and she breaks down.
“My younger son Ekalavyan has been attending school. He has dealt with Abhimanyu’s loss very bravely. He has lots of friends and finds comfort in their company.”
His oldest son Abhimanyu, a Class XI student at IHS, killed himself and his body was found in their residential building in Sharjah on the day he was supposed to write his Math exam.
He had written a suicide note in his chemistry exam paper on February 25, which Sivadasan and his wife were informed about after being summoned to the school on that the same day the child allegedly took his own life.
The suicide note, the father says, ran into “10 pages”.
“When they called us to the school and showed us his letter, we couldn’t concentrate. We were tensed about finding him,” Sivadasan recounts.
Last Thursday, the school allowed the parents to read it again. “My wife read it out loud, while I just sat and listened,” he says, adding Abhimanyu wrote that the letter be shown only to them.
In his last letter, Sivadasan claims Abhimanyu blamed the Indian education system for his troubles.
Sivadasan recalls how Abhimanyu had written messages for the family, egging his father to paint more, telling his mother and younger brother he loved them dearly, and special notes to his teachers.
His letter proves Abhimanyu did it out of his own will. “He didn’t want to continue,” his father’s voice trails.
“He couldn’t deal with the pressures of the CBSE board, and the competitiveness.” Sivadasan details how the education system was forcing children to mug up, rather than understand the concepts. “We must save our children and allow them to enjoy life.”
On that unfortunate day, Sivadasan retraces Abhimanyu’s last moments at home, where he saw him watch TV just before his 11.40am pick-up for school. “I remember asking him if he was ready for the exam, and he replied saying, ‘don’t worry, I will get above 90%’. He then asked me to iron his uniform, which was a regular affair.”
Although he left the house at the right time, Abhimanyu didn’t take the bus, but went up to the building terrace instead.
Sivadasan remembers how his son, a few days prior to that day, had abruptly hugged him tightly. “That’s my fondest memory.”
Abhimanyu loved reading and was very jovial, he reminisces. “He had a great sense of humour.”